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cyanotopia
Nearly midnight. I need a space where I can be as pretentious as I like without people I know knowingly reading it. If you are someone who I know, and you know that you know me, please don't tell me that you know... self-censorship is my main "creative" barrier right now. I quit writing poetry about four years ago when I started letting too many people who I knew read my work. Not that the response was negative - far from it - I just couldn't stand baring my soul to people I had to sit next to at lunch, etc.
I am an extremely obnoxious person and that comes across in my writing. I hate to be constrained by ordinary rules of attitude and behaviour. Since I've learned the painful way that most people "here" in reality aren't too fond of my openness, I've learned to stick a lid on it. But that lively, aggressive, forthright me just keeps seeping through, no matter where I run to.
Mostly, I don't like my writing. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I fall so deeply in love with my own worlds and characters that I just want to stay there. Mostly though, I post something then hate it. The challenge - since I do genuinely want to, one day, be a professional writer - is to write something and stick with it, let it stay for the duration, whether I like it or not. I suppose any writer has to sit and stay with the work he or she has outgrown. I grow quickly and slowly; each winter destroys the growth of the previous summer, but even through the fallen leaves, each year is another type of upward growth, permanent and strong, which strengthens the tree against the years to come.
I did say that I'm a poser. Blah, blah, blah.
I am an extremely obnoxious person and that comes across in my writing. I hate to be constrained by ordinary rules of attitude and behaviour. Since I've learned the painful way that most people "here" in reality aren't too fond of my openness, I've learned to stick a lid on it. But that lively, aggressive, forthright me just keeps seeping through, no matter where I run to.
Mostly, I don't like my writing. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I fall so deeply in love with my own worlds and characters that I just want to stay there. Mostly though, I post something then hate it. The challenge - since I do genuinely want to, one day, be a professional writer - is to write something and stick with it, let it stay for the duration, whether I like it or not. I suppose any writer has to sit and stay with the work he or she has outgrown. I grow quickly and slowly; each winter destroys the growth of the previous summer, but even through the fallen leaves, each year is another type of upward growth, permanent and strong, which strengthens the tree against the years to come.
I did say that I'm a poser. Blah, blah, blah.
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Comment by Rosemarie Short on April 4, 2008 at 9:04pm -
I always hate my work. I'm quite self-conscious really (HA). No, seriously, I am in real life. I suppose over the internet, people can't judge you. They just know that I'm a writer, and I'm okay at writing, which suits me fine :)
My way of tackling this self-consciousness is by looking at my work as if I was totally an outsider. Just read it objectively, and then I start to see the good points through the bad. As for constraining yourself - never do that. Never be afraid to be yourself, no matter how frightening, kooky or weird you are. I am exceptionally weird, and am often told so, but I really don't care :)
Rosie
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